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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29898096">25913</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boogum/pseuds/Boogum'>Boogum</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Stray Cat [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Miraculous Ladybug</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, ladrien</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 18:14:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,691</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29898096</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boogum/pseuds/Boogum</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>25,913 failed attempts. Adrien is the only one who remembers. He doesn't know how to move on, but his friends are there to remind him that he doesn't have to do it alone.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir &amp; Plagg, Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Stray Cat [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2027843</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>146</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Partners</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Some of you have probably read this before, but i've made it its own thing cause i've finally written the ladrien part 2 and it just made sense dhjkhk</p><p>Just a warning that this fic will be dealing with PTSD and some pretty heavy stuff. (But I won't leave you with all hurt and no comfort)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Adrien wakes drenched in sweat. His hand is already reaching for his wrist, fingertips brushing bare skin. It's over. It's over. There's nothing to feel there. But his heart skitters and rolls like a clumsy, frantic thing. His chest is too tight. All he sees and hears is a spiralling chaos of gold flashes, trumpet sounds, and Ladybug vanishing over and over and over and over …</p><p>"Kid." Plagg's voice comes to him, muffled like its trying to work through stuffed bundles of wool just to register. "Kid, breathe."</p><p>Adrien shudders, tears spilling down his cheeks because it's too much, too much, and he can't <i>breathe</i>, and—</p><p>"Come on!" Plagg hovers right in front of his face. "Kid, look at me. Look at me, okay?"</p><p>Adrien manages to focus on the glints of green eyes in the dim light.</p><p>"Breathe with me," Plagg encourages. "Just follow me. Ready? In"—a deep inhale—"and out. Come on, you're not breathing with me."</p><p>It takes a painful amount of tries before the steel tightness crushing Adrien's lungs releases its grip. He slumps against his pillow, his whole body limp. Fresh tears prickle his eyes. His mind is still a mess of nightmares and memories, but at least it doesn't feel like he's caged in them. Reality has him, at least for now.</p><p>"Hey," Plagg says in a heavy tone. "Listen, kid …"</p><p>Adrien winces. He knows that tone.</p><p>Plagg sighs and settles on his shoulder like a tiny bundle of warmth. "You know what? Never mind. I'll sit with you for now. Just remember to take deep breaths, okay?"</p><p>Adrien closes his eyes and swallows against the raw lump in his throat.</p><p>It's been two weeks.</p><p>He's still failing.</p><p>oOo</p><p>Concealer hides the bruise-like shadows under Adrien's eyes and a smile perfected long ago helps to mask the rest. He is good at putting on an image for the public. Or was. It's harder now. There are bathroom stalls to hide in when the dam breaks and panic and memories flood. There are lies to be offered, excuses to throw up like a shield, but nothing seems to stop his grasp on reality from slipping.</p><p>Almost three months. 25,913 failed attempts.</p><p>He's the only one who remembers.</p><p>He doesn't know how to move on.</p><p>He <i>can't</i>.</p><p>"Adrien?" Marinette says a bit tentatively when she finds him curled over on a bench, arms wrapped around himself as if he's some cracked Humpty Dumpty trying to hold all the pieces together. "Are you … are you okay?"</p><p>He forces himself to straighten. Forces a smile worthy of Paris's largest billboard. "I'm fine. Think I just ate something at lunch that didn't agree with me."</p><p>"Do you need to see the nurse? I could—"</p><p>"No. No, it's fine." He stands up and places his hand on her shoulder. "It'll pass. Come on, let's go to class."</p><p>She seems reluctant to let the conversation drop, but she also doesn't argue. It's only when he's alone again that he lets himself fall apart.</p><p>The attacks are getting worse. More frequent. It feels as if he's stuck in a loop again, his anxiety feeding on itself like a beast that can never be satiated.</p><p>Couldn't save Ladybug. Can't put himself back together. Even being Chat Noir has become like navigating a minefield.</p><p>"I should have listened to you," he sobs to Plagg after a particularly bad attack. "I should have never accepted the snake miraculous."</p><p>Plagg doesn't say he told him so. Hasn't done so since the first night when the numbness, adrenaline, and relief wore off and cracks splintered Adrien into the mess he is now. Somehow, that only makes Adrien feel worse.</p><p>He twists the silver ring round and round on his finger.</p><p>25,913 failed attempts. 25,913 times he let Ladybug, Plagg, and all of Paris down.</p><p>oOo</p><p>"Why don't you just say it?" Adrien asks one day. "We both know I'm not fit to be a miraculous holder, and I—" hot prickles sting his eyes—"I don't want to put Ladybug in danger."</p><p>A heavy sigh. "Kid …"</p><p>"You can give the ring back to Master Fu and find a new holder, and then—"</p><p>"I won't."</p><p>"Why not?" Adrien doesn't mean the question to come out so angry, but it does. "Wouldn't you rather have a bearer who isn't a liability?"</p><p>Plagg gives him a sad look. "You're not a liability, Adrien."</p><p>"How can you say that when you see me like this? I can barely keep it together when we're fighting akumas. I can barely keep it together period."</p><p>"But you do, and you know what that tells me?"</p><p>A slight shake of the head.</p><p>"It tells me you're stronger than you think. It tells me you're the perfect person to be my bearer."</p><p>Wetness trails down Adrien's cheeks. "You can't mean that."</p><p>"Adrien, you protected Ladybug and Paris 25,913 times all on your own."</p><p>"But I didn't. Those were failures. I messed up every time and—"</p><p>"Survived long enough each time to enact second chance."</p><p>Adrien blinks. He's never thought of it like that.</p><p>"That's some real bravery and determination there, kid. Granted, 25, 913 uses of second chance in one go was extreme and I never, ever want you to do that again, but your heart was in the right place."</p><p>"But I'm … like this. I'm a mess, Plagg. You have to see that."</p><p>"I know, kid. I know. And if you really think you can't do it anymore, I guess there's nothing to be done, but ..."</p><p>"But what?"</p><p>Plagg looks off to the side, fidgeting. "It just wouldn't be the same with someone else."</p><p>"Oh, Plagg."</p><p>Adrien gathers the cat kwami into his hands and holds him close. Soft fur tickles his cheek. Plagg gives him little nuzzles and a purr soon hums from the kwami, low and steady and soothing.</p><p>"Do you really think I can do this?" Adrien whispers. "Do you think things will ever go back to how they were?"</p><p>"I don't think it'll be easy, but one thing I can promise is that you won't have to do it on your own. We're partners too, remember?"</p><p>Adrien hugs him closer. "Yeah. We are."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. 25,913</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s the little things that make Marinette realise something is not right. The shadows under Adrien’s eyes that he tries to cover with concealer. The way he fidgets with his wrist, as if feeling for a band that is not there. The jumpiness. The flinches when he hears brass instruments.</p><p>25,913.</p><p>It’s a ludicrous number.</p><p>Adrien must have got it wrong or maybe she’d misheard him. He must have meant something like twenty-five or thirteen. No one could be so dedicated or so masochistic. No one could have stuck it out for so long in an endless loop of failure and retry.</p><p>But he had cried back then, and he had been falling apart ever since. A haunted Humpty Dumpty teetering and teetering, so close to tumbling off his wall. She can see it in his eyes. See it in his fragile smiles.</p><p>It breaks her heart.</p><p>This is her fault. She gave him the snake miraculous. She failed to make it work with him as her partner. She had been selfish and wanted to be alone with him—no Chat Noir to get in the way. And it had been beautiful, at least for a breath. The deep, sunrise-red rose he had offered her. Running side by side, drums in her chest and warmth on her cheeks. A smile shared between them, like a secret. Like something to be treasured.</p><p>She had been so stupid.</p><p>“I have to do something, Tikki,” Marinette says, pacing up and down in her room.</p><p>Tikki doesn’t argue. That’s a first. Tikki loves to point out that duty comes first and Marinette’s identity should never be put at risk. No buts.</p><p>Except this is more than trying to protect her crush from Chloè’s clutches. This is more than trying to make herself look good or helping Alya with the <i>Ladyblog</i>. This is about Adrien’s wellbeing.</p><p>Marinette’s transformation into Ladybug is over in a flash of pink light. She wastes no time in opening her skylight and ducking out onto the balcony, wind tugging at her pigtails.</p><p>She won’t be long. She’ll just check on him. It’s what a good hero would do.</p><p>oOo</p><p>The window to Adrien’s room is open. She finds him playing the piano. He is alone, fingers moving like fluid silk along the black and white keys—until they’re not. A jarring note. A hissed curse. He lets his shoulders and head slump, his body sinking down on the stool until his forehead rests against the keys in one chaotic groan.</p><p>A hush settles.</p><p>She bites her lip and taps on the window. “Adrien?”</p><p>He jumps and spins to face her. “Ladybug? What—why—”</p><p>“Is it okay if we talk for a bit?”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>He scrambles to his feet and welcomes her inside. She does not miss the red puffiness of his eyes or how the shadows that rim them are so much darker. No concealer to hide behind for him. Not tonight.</p><p>He gives a self-conscious wipe at his cheeks, as if he’s worried she’s spotted the salty tear tracks that have dried into his skin. Or maybe it’s just hit him how untidy he looks, all rumpled hair and blood-shot eyes. Only his clothes still fit the perfect image that graces Paris’s billboards.</p><p>“Um,” he says, tugging at his sleeve and shooting her a glance under his eyelashes, “not that I’m not happy to have you here, but … why are you here?”</p><p>She realises then that she has no idea what to say. The words fail, tripping and tangling on her tongue. “I was worried,” she finally settles on.</p><p>“Worried?”</p><p>“About you.”</p><p>His shoulders creep upwards and his fingers curl into his sleeve, but his smile is bright and worthy of a glossy magazine page. “Really? Why’s that?”</p><p>She dares to step closer. “The snake miraculous—”</p><p>He flinches.</p><p>Their eyes meet, but his gaze skitters off to the side like a spooked mouse.</p><p>She takes another step closer. “Adrien, can you honestly tell me that you’re okay after what happened with the snake miraculous?”</p><p>“I …” He grips both his arms, hunching into himself. Retreating. “I’m fine.”</p><p>That’s a lie. It’s so obvious that it might as well be an echo whispering <i>liar</i> over and over.</p><p>He bites his lip and stares at his feet. They’re bare, and for some reason this makes him seem more vulnerable. “You got everything all sorted with Luka, right?” he says. “Desperada was defeated. So it doesn’t matter if—”</p><p>“It does matter!” She places her hands on his shoulders. “Your happiness matters.”</p><p>His gaze darts to hers, wide with surprise. Perhaps it’s the passion that brims in her voice. Perhaps it’s because she touched him. That hadn’t been part of her plan. But no matter how hard she tries, she can’t hide her feelings for this boy. She’d be worried for anyone, of course, but especially for him. He is a tattoo on her heart, on her soul. How can she not want to make sure that he’s okay? How can she not want him to see that he matters?</p><p>“Was it really 25,913 times?” she asks in a hushed voice.</p><p>His hand slips down to feel his left wrist—right where the miraculous would have been. “Yes,” he whispers.</p><p>She pulls him into her arms. It’s the hug she should have given him back then in the sewers. The one she had not dared to. Had convinced herself there was no time to.</p><p>Duty before heart. It’s how she lives. How she has to live. But all of that seems so meaningless as he practically collapses into her embrace. There’s nothing on her suit for him to grab purchase—the magic material won’t allow it—but he still clings to her, needy like a drowning person searching for something to keep him afloat. He burrows his face into her neck and just <i>breathes</i>.</p><p>They’re so close. It makes her heart tremble. His scent wraps around her—fresh linen and soap with a hint of orange. He must have showered not long ago. The thought would have made her blush once. Now she simply holds him. Those drumbeats in her chest can be gentle as well, a rhythm of concern rather than flustered, yearning hopes.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” she says softly.</p><p>His fingers press more into her back and he shakes his head as if to assure there’s no reason for her to apologise.</p><p>“I am,” she says. “This is my fault. If I had been a better Ladybug, you would have never had to use Second Chance so many—”</p><p>“No.” His voice is a croak against her skin. “You never told me to keep going. That was my choice.”</p><p>“But—”</p><p>He pulls back to meet her gaze. Tears cling to his eyelashes and smear his cheeks. “You aren’t responsible for the memories I’ve given myself. Please, don’t make this worse for me by feeling guilty or making yourself sad just because I was an idiot.”</p><p>Hot prickles sting her eyes. “I can’t help it. I gave you the miraculous. I chose you and—”</p><p>“It made me happy.”</p><p>Her eyes widen. “What?”</p><p>“I couldn’t believe that you thought I was worthy of helping you. That you, Ladybug, wanted me at your side.” He glances down, biting his lip. “I guess that was the problem, though. I really wanted to impress you.”</p><p>Her heartbeat stumbles. “Y-you did?”</p><p>“Yeah.” He rubs the base of his neck, dustings of rose blooming on his cheeks. “I thought—I thought maybe you’d like me if I did.”</p><p>Like him?</p><p>Did he not realise that she was so in love with him that it was an actual physical ache? He had might as well be the ribs that encased her heart, the bones that shaped the house of her soul. He was the oxygen she breathed and the everything that wove her dreams.</p><p>He steps back, and the shy glow that had lit up his features fades as his blush slips away. “Well, I guess it doesn’t matter now,” he mumbles. “I wasn’t the right person and—”</p><p>“Adrien.” She seizes his hand. “You never needed to prove anything to me.” Heat burns a trail across her cheeks and she glances down at their hands. “But, for what it’s worth, I really do think you have all the qualities to be an amazing miraculous holder.”</p><p>“You do?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Her face grows hotter. “And, if I’m being honest, I guess a part of the reason things didn’t work for us with Desperada is because I wanted to impress you too.”</p><p>Creases form on his brow. “You wanted to impress <i>me</i>?”</p><p>A small nod.</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>There’s a tinge of hope to his voice. A tinge of breathlessness. It makes her mouth dry and her heart thump faster and faster.</p><p>“Because I …” She swallows and meets his eyes. “I like you, Adrien.”</p><p>His gaze is soft and filled with wonder. “Me?”</p><p>She laughs, shy and her face burning. “Yes, you.”</p><p>The sweetest of smiles curves his lips. It’s honey and warmth and reaches all the way to his eyes. She can’t help but smile in return.</p><p>“Hearing that makes me really, really happy,” he says softly.</p><p>Her hand trembles as she dares to place it on his shoulder again, drawing him closer. There’s electricity now. Little shivers of sparks, of yearning. Her gaze finds his lips, and she knows he’s looking at hers.</p><p>“May I?” she whispers.</p><p>He dips his head down and kisses her. It’s a sigh of silk, a sigh of gossamer and beginnings. No need to demand too much. She knows there will be more kisses. More time to explore and taste and memorise the thundering song of these shared moments.</p><p>He wraps his arms around her and holds her close. “Thank you for checking up on me,” he says into her hair.</p><p>She hugs him tighter, a smile curving her lips. “Any time.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>okay so this was meant to be more platonic hurt/comfort but ladrien was like no. we want our kiss, give us the romance. And yeah, I’m not gonna argue hgskjhgk</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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